You too can be a Pirate

So my J.D. Salinger impression is not the best. I am not sure I could ever be quite as pessimistic and cynical as Holden, and that is probably a good thing. Besides, there are much cooler ways to be anti-authority. Take Captain Paul Watson and his Whale Warriors. They are essentially PETA on steroids. These members of The Sea Shepherd Conservation Society (SSCS) take a boat down to Antarctica every year to hunt down Japanese whaling ships. The premise is simple enough: locate a whaling vessel and then ram it. The SSCS pirate boats are much smaller than the goliath whaling ships, so the activists mount a huge, sharpened piece of metal (affectionately called “the can opener”) to the bow of their ship. I must admit, for a moment I thought: “that sounds kind of fun.” After watching “Pirates of the Caribbean,” who wouldn’t want to be a pirate? I mean unless Hollywood is lying, I think it is safe to assume that the SSCS has a pet penguin in a state of living death that takes a corpse-like form whenever the moon light falls on it, and steals gold coins at every opportunity. However, being a pirate on the SSCS would entail lots of cold water and there is nothing I hate more in this world than cold water. Besides, I doubt I would get along with anyone zealous enough to die defending thousand pound bags of mercury laced blubber. Although I would never be passionate/stupid enough to actually volunteer as a pirate on one of Paul Watson’s ships, I wouldn’t mind wearing a Sea Shepherd Conservation Society t-shirt under my “Pencey Prep” sweat shirt.